Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
