I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
