"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
