P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
