dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When are your genitals available?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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