I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
