I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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