I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
