...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
