ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
