I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
