A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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