the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
