She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
