pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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