Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I look better un-naked...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
