dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
