Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
