What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
