Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
