You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
