i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
