He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
