I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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