My liver just broke up with me...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
