im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
