I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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