also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
