I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
