and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
