I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
