I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ladies don't puke and tell
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
