But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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