jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
