So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry about my life...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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