i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize