I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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