from now on my penis is your penis
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize