Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
