Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
