I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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