After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
