I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
