btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
