woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
