Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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