I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
