My room smells like vodka and shame
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
