How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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