her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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