She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
