Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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