All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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