After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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