over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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