I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
