Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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