but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
