That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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