You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
