Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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