You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
