She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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