My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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