10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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