it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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