Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
