you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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