i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
