everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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