tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
