i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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