i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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