Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
