forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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