she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do vagina's smell?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He felt like a one man threesome
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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