Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
