You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
