I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
