We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
