If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
