Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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