would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
