I wish I only lived at night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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