Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
