Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
one might say we're banned from that church
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
