shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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