and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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