There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize