i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
