i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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