I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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