Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
