i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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