Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
