Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
