A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
