I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
